I rented Call of Duty 4 (CoD4 from here on out) Friday night and finished it early Saturday afternoon (about 5-6 hours of play time). I confess I am not a big fan of FPSes on console games, though I have played one that I like quite well, and I have a history of playing Quake games on the PC and having a ball. Playing CoD4 however left me wanting more, and feeling quite unsatisfied and a little upset. Mind you I did not play any of the multiplayer online stuff, which I suspect is the main use case for the game, so this is only my reactions to the single player game, which I submit is only there to train you on how to use the game engine.

At fist blush the game presents itself as a bit of a modern day war simulation. You are either a short-lived Marine or an invincible S.A.S. soldier. They hand you and arsenal of what I can only assume are modern weapons (though I never did find a Barrett light 50 calibre rifle anywhere). The tagline of the game is "Modern Warfare" and to this end things seem up to snuff, though not having ever fired anything more advanced than a shotgun I cannot say how accurate they are. Nonetheless I'll assume they got the recoil right, the magazine capacities, rate of fire, blah blah blah all simulated right (although I never could change the fire mode for the MP5; it was always on full auto and I desperately wanted a 3-round burst). The game even goes so far as to start you out with a training level which to my eyes simulates modern warfare urban tactics (complete with flash-bangs, which I never used after that one level). Suffice it to say I got the distinct impression that the game was going to be a modern warfare simulation, and I was all geared up to go tactical, work with my team, and conserve ammo. Too bad I was wrong.

I would imagine that on a real battlefield if I took even one bullet to any part of my anatomy I'm fairly sure that would get me sent back to base-camp where a purple heart would await me (along with lots of morphine). In the game, however, I can withstand a barrage of bullets and even shrapnel from a grenade, if only I find cover and rest for about 10 seconds, after which I'm miraculously healed to 100% and ready to take more bullets. In one level I'm fairly sure I took 10 head shots and still didn't go down. They must have been using rubber bullets on me, but actual lead on my allies, because I saw them drop down dead. And this is an odd point: I cannot take the magazines from a dead comrade to replenish my dwindling supply. Instead I'm supposed to take the enemy rifles as my own, and lets face it an AK-47 doesn't hold up against any of the guns I start with.

At this point the simulation aspect is right out. And so are any tactical elements I was expecting. I cannot open any doors, I have to wait for my Captain or a Lieutenant to do so, and then they get to run in and sweep the room. I'm left to stand around like a useless wad of pixelated flesh (with X-Men healing capacity!). Hell, I can even stand in front of an M1 Abrams tank while it's firing it's main gun and suffer no hearing loss whatsoever! I mean talk about making me think that modern soldiers come straight out of the comic books; Marines are all Superman! WE PWN THE WRLD!!!

Allow me to move on to my next (and final) point: the story is a cruel exercise in railroading the players. My actions have absolutely nothing to do with the outcome of the story, because if I fail they force me to restart the mission (thankfully from the last non-failed checkpoint). I cannot even over-succeed and save some of my dying comrades with an act of heroism. Everything in this game is fated, and you cannot fight Fate. This quite quickly kills any motivation to care, though you are given the sense that "maybe if I were a little faster in this timed level so-and-so would not have been shot to death". Nope. That's a futile thought. You are an utter loser and you can do nothing but watch the people around you die; yeah, that's right kids. War sucks, and heroes don't exist, not even modern near-invincible ones. You may be able to heal all kinds of battle wounds, but don't even think about trying to save a comrade, because you can't. Ain't nihilism great?

The worst part of all this was the stupid flashback level. Talk about total and utter futile loser lameness. They set up the level by introducing a character your Captain knows, and in the photo Mr. Bad Guy (who had a Russian sounding name I cannot remember) has only one arm. Then your Captain goes into some 15 year old flashback about how he was given an assassination mission to kill Mr. Bad Guy. Immediately I thought, "Oh great. The stupid f-er failed and now I get to play the mission. Thanks a ton Mr. Developer guy, because now I get to play a mission where I know I FAIL and that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside." I did wonder how I was supposed to shoot his arm off though, but I shouldn't have thought about it. Apparently 15 years ago the British had developed 50 caliber homing bullets, and not just any homing bullets, but homing bullets that would only shoot your bloody arm off. Now I'm not sure why our cousins from across the pond would only want to shoot people's arms off from 1,000 yards out, but I suppose they figure it's a more humane way to assassinate someone. I mean, it's just plain mean to blow someone's head off. At least let them die from shock and blood loss like your spotter suggests will happen (news flash Captain Moron: he won't die, and I had time to get a second shot off). It's sad but I think the developers were making some kind of political statement about the ineptitude of the S.A.S. at confirming their kills, and I think that is highly uncalled for. I'll bet those S.A.S. guys are some really bad mo-fos and I for one would not want to be in their sites for any reason.

I'm sure the game plays like a ton of fun in the free-for-all multiplayer semi-tactical online play, but I'll never find out. I'm not all that good at that sort of game on a console, and what I really cared about was the story, which I found all too linear and way to railroading. I wanted to know what happened when I didn't let Son of Mr. Bad Guy cap himself. I wanted to know what happened if the Marine I played managed to escape the nuclear blast (and yes, the British survive, but the Marines all die. Semper what now?). I know games can be written with branching story-lines, I've played a couple. Without this I'm afraid CoD4 is just an online FPS with a weak story-mode game that must only be there to train you for the "fun" you'll have taking headshot after headshot while killing some poor 10 year old kid from New Jersey. 'Oorah!